I’m so grateful for our follower’s questions and feedback. It helps us to know how people are thinking. Lately I got some criticism about the Cuddle Party we are hosting at the Winter Retreat. Transformation requires a release of old thinking, so let me give you some things to consider. You may find that cuddle party is the perfect winter activity.
Every Cuddle Party starts with a 45 minute workshop on boundaries. We practice knowing what we want, asking for what we want, accepting what we want, and declining what we don’t want. No interaction can happen without this. Cuddle Party makes YOU responsible for yourself. This is the very definition of sovereignty. So many times we go along to get along. There is none of that here. There is no worrying about what other people think. You already have permission to say yes, no, or approach someone. For people who don’t have this in their day to day life, this is FANTASTIC practice on empowerment. It’s great practice for getting to know what you like and don’t like. It’s a place of safety where you get to call the shots. Who doesn’t want that?
Lots of people think that connection can only happen through sex. Cuddle Party teaches you that intimacy can happen with same sex partners, in a group, and without touching! The facilitator creates a safe space where you can laugh easily, talk, don’t talk, touch, be touched, or simply be in your own bubble of bliss. Since we start with healthy boundaries and permission to say no, connection is easy. You can connect with your body, your emotions, other people, and the group. If you don’t have a safe place in your life, this can be incredibly healing.
The other way that this helps with connection is that you never know who will be there. There could be young, old, dark, fair, male, and female. This gives you a chance to interact with people you might not normally see. This can build your comfort and connection with a larger group of people. The more differences you can embrace, the closer you get to Oneness.
Connect with the Earth Element
The element for winter is Earth. Earth is about all boundaries, all things physical, and sensuality – meaning what can be noticed through the senses. Cuddle Party hits all of those! Touch is physical. Babies that aren’t touched enough die! Babies that are minimally touched don’t develop normal brain connections and have a hard time with social interactions and frustration tolerance. That need doesn’t stop when we grow up. Yet we live in a touch deprived society.
Many of us don’t have a partner. Some of us with a partner live in relationships that are not affectionate. Some of us grew up in abusive homes, so touch hurts. We only touch through sex. If we can only get our touch needs met through romantic relationships and sex, what we we supposed to do? Cuddle Party gives us a non-sexual way to touch that has no strings and is a win/win for both sides.
While all of the elements are important, I find that Earth is the foundation. Our ideas, efforts, and emotions need grounding. They need a container. We need diligence to bring them to life. All this comes from Earth. When you do things that bring you back to the body, back to the physical, you cultivate Earth energy needed to thrive. So, now that we know how this tool can be used to our benefit, let’s look at what else Cuddle Party can do for us.
Benefits of Cuddle Party
- Makes us feel good. Touch releases oxytocin that improves mood and helps you feel connected to others.
- Oxytocin boosts the immune system. You not only feel good, you’re healthier too!
- Reduces pain. Oxytocin is also a pain reliever. Who knew?
- Oxytocin also reduces blood pressure. Regular touch also reduces the risk of heart disease.
- Oxytocin reduces social anxiety. I know a lot of people fear cuddling because people are scary! Fortunately the boundaries workshop in the beginning give us lots of fun practice that makes getting started easier. Oxytocin also puts you in a positive mental state so by the time the party is in full motion, you’re much more relaxed and can participate fully.
- Deepens your relationship. The boundaries workshop gives you practice in communicating. This is a huge boost to any relationship. So is the feel good emotions that you get from touching. These factors can make any relationship better and trickles out to friendships, relationships with co-workers and everyone else.
- Cuddling can lead to further intimacy. Lot’s of people have hang ups about touch. They have been physically or emotionally hurt and to them, touch means pain. Practicing safe touch can make it easier to enjoy touch. This can lead to further intimacy (not in the Cuddle Party, but on your own. Cuddle Party is non-sexual touch ONLY).
- Improves sleep. It’s oxytocin for the win! Yes, oxytocin helps you to relax so that you sleep better.
I know modern society has a lot of prohibitions against touch. We preach “Stranger Danger” to our kids. We do such a good job of protecting against danger that we haven’t left any room for the joy or connection. Babies sleep in their own crib in their own room from birth. Isolation breeds disconnection and loneliness. Let’s get connected!
We are so conditioned to think that touch is sexual that our eyebrows go up when someone hugs our child or a doctor puts a hand on our shoulder. The problem isn’t the hugging, but the abuse that may follow. Let’s not throw out the baby with the bathwater. When we practice Sovereignty, all that goes away. Cuddle Party gives us a way to have the good without the bad. It opens the door to a future way of being that is grounding and healthy. If we want a new world, we have to change our thinking and way of relating. Cuddle Party is a way to do that.